If i come over, it means nothing
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
