u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
