I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she told me i tasted like america
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
