Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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