just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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