Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
