Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
