Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
