Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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