so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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