i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
