she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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