dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
