I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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