Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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