RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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