dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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