No awkward lesbian experiences without me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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