no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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