I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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