After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
