drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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