So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
