He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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