You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
