I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
