There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm too high and old for this...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
