At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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