he thought i was a dude.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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