Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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