covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
