batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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