Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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