i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
