Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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