Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize