Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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