wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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