my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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