ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
