I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
