You just made me feel so damn special
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
