I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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