so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
