Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
