the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
