So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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