I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
try to milk me bitch
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