How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
