would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
