i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
