Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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