if you like me you must not know who I am
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
