Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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