I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
