Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
