As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
