don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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