You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This toilet bowl is my home.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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