We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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