spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You took a bar mat shot.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
