you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
