I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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