i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The best revenge is premature balding
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
