My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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