Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
