The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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