did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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