At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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