called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
