He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
