Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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