I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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