Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
