He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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