Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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