you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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