I want to make a zoo with you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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